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3 O'Clock High: The Art of Darkness


"Financial Content is optional on Fridays."


Minyan Kneel yawps:

"(I'm) getting more and more ["irate"] that you are using Superfly and I am not being compensated properly.

That's it, I have no choice but to protect my intellectual property. From now on it is Superfly©

BTW, dude, this is your second child. Don't you know that the second child always suffers. My second child is practically raising herself. After the first one, we just don't care as much.


While generally given to acceding tremulously in the face of bombast we at Jeffmacke Co. must refuse your demands for two reasons. First, Jeffmacke Co. owns all properties and controls all merchandising rights associated with the sale and or marketing of his progeny ("the kids") as well as his spousal unit ("Mrs. Jeffmacke").

Second, no one among the underage, offshore, oppressed and impoverished staff who, collectively, create the works of "Jeffmacke", knows how to make the little copyright icon you request. Forgive us for it is very hot and we are hungry as well as uneducated.

Thank you for your letter! If you send in a self-addressed, stamped envelope and $5 we would be happy to send you an autographed 8x10 glossy photo of Jeffmacke.

Laboriously Yours,


Minyan "Edgar Allan" Poe writes:


Your piece, so to speak, had me laughing my as* off. As a father of a 2 year old boy and a proud optimist, it definitely hit home. You da man.

"EA" Poe

Thanks for the very nice note as well as the opportunity to link back to my own work, which is always a zesty bit of narcissism.

There was a lot of nice feedback from yesterday's 3 O'Clock (The Triple-Back-Reference!). I think it tapped a pent up reserve of whining among parents. I also think it's really hard to miss when the topic is somehow related to dookie.

"I could pound a nail with this thing.... but why should I?"

I found a Nicoderm patch in my buddy, Odie's, car the other day, on the way back from golf.

"If he didn't want me to find it he wouldn't have left me in his car while he ran into the store" I thought to myself as I ripped the pack open and stuck the patch to my leg.

Now... I'm not a smoker. I'm not really opposed to smoking, I've just never been able to stick with it enough to get hooked. But these patches could really change that, if properly marketed.

Odie and I mused about that for the rest of the drive. Shouldn't Phillip Morris (MO... forever) be selling these patches by the dumptruck full? Why aren't we being overwhelmed with ads pitching these relatively safe alternatives to smoking? I mean... talk about an overdue product update: All the speeding heart rate and light sweat you get from cigarettes with none of the smoke related "cancer" and other unpleasantness you get from smoking!

You could sell them in different doses, the same way they sell different "proofs" of liquor. This seems so obvious but we insist on collectively refusing to simply accept the idea because it seems somehow vulgar (despite our obvious appetite for the product).

On a related point, there is never any excuse for Pfizer (PFE) missing due to soft Viagra sales. Not when they refuse to even answer my letters suggesting the tagline of their new ad-campaign (above).

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