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The Apple iWatch Is a Stunning, Beautiful, and Revolutionary Figment of Your Imagination


There are far more interesting things to talk about than the media's latest piece of Apple iFiction.

After being in the financial media business for nine years, there's one thing I've learned: Folks love them some Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) iFiction, whether it's in the form of garden variety speculation or outright rumor, 99% of which can be counted on to be 100% false.

Case in point: Over the past couple of weeks, people are turning their attention to Apple's rumored iWatch, which would be Apple's twist on the wristwatch.

Was the Samsung (KRX:005930) Galaxy S4 not sexy enough to carry the heavy burden of giving us stuff to talk about? (See: Samsung Revamps Its Flagship Galaxy Smartphone, Preparing to Set New Sales Records.)

The source of the iWatch obsession is an Apple patent filing for a "wearable accessory device" featuring a flexible display attached to a bistable spring, which implies something akin to a slap bracelet.

Should we be getting excited about this?

I'm going to say no. First of all, Apple is no stranger to filing interesting-sounding patents, many of which don't seem relevant in the near future.

For example, Apple has a patent for gloves that allow users to use touchscreen devices in the cold.

Yet we aren't talking about iGloves.

Apple also has a patent for a shapeshifting 3D user interface that would allow a touchscreen device to change shapes to allow you to (among other things) have your iPad screen morph into a keyboard.

Yet we aren't talking about an iPad with a Retina/shapeshifter screen (shall we call it iShapeshifter?), which would put Terminator T1000-like technology into our hands.

Additionally, it's not exactly easy to predict Apple's product moves.

For example, many journalists and Wall Street analysts expected Apple to ship a television set, possibly under the name iTV, in 2012.

Remember these headlines?

As of now, it's nowhere in sight, even though Steve Jobs was very, very enthusiastic about such a product, as reported by his biographer Walter Isaacson. (See: Four Reasons Why iTV Will Be the Easiest Money Apple's Ever Made.)

In Steve's own words, "I'd like to create an integrated television set that is completely easy to use. It would be seamlessly synced with all of your devices and with iCloud. It will have the simplest user interface you could imagine. I finally cracked it."

The talk started around 2011. Now, the rumor mill is indicating that the iTV is coming in 2014. When we get to 2014, will we be talking 2015 as the likely release date? However, we should remember one thing: There is no actual evidence that this thing even exists.

So why is the media focused on iWatch?

Simple. The patent filing gives the device some grounding in reality, yet like iGloves and iShapeshifter, it's off-the-wall enough to get people interested and talking.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm curious about all things Apple. But maybe we should get a confirmation of whether this thing exists before we start harping about how it's the biggest breakthrough/disaster in the history of the world, especially because we're talking about a freaking watch here. This ain't no straight-out-of-Star-Trek iPad.

Heck, the word "iWatch" got you to read this.

I guess I'm part of the problem, too. But I gotta eat.

Twitter: @MichaelComeau

Also read:

In Defense of the Apple iWatch

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