Beware of age compression when buying holiday gifts for children.

Many manufacturers pitch items to younger kids that used to be reserved for pre-teens or even teenagers. Barbie dolls seem to get sexier. Many video games, despite the age label, are too violent for children.

“If you look at a game or a toy and it doesn’t seem right for your child, it’s not,” says Karen Waldron, Ph.D., author of Unleashing Kids’ Potential: What Parents, Grandparents, and Teachers Need to Know. “Keep looking.”

But that’s only half the equation. You’ve also got to teach your child what to do if they receive an age-inappropriate gift.

Eye rolling is out. Explain that out-of-town relatives who don’t visit your family regularly have simply lost track of your child’s growth. Note that relatives without a lot of first-hand experience with kids don’t realize that it’s a huge leap to age 13 from 11.

“From an early age, kids have to learn to be a good receiver as well as a good gift-giver,” says Waldron, a professor emeritus of education at Trinity University in San Antonio. “Teach your child the importance of always saying thanks for a gift. Never let the giver know that your child doesn’t like the gift. This is part of teaching compassion for others.”

If a clothing item is too small, try to exchange it for the needed size. If the child has outgrown the toy and it can’t be exchanged, give it to a younger family member or donate it to charity.

If your child is young, tuck the toy away and let the kid grow into it. Rotating toys is a good plan if your child receives a cascade of gifts. A young child won’t remember all the gifts and will delight in rediscovering them in a month or so.

If a gift from a friend or relative violates your family values, don’t give it to the child. Explain to the giver why it’s inappropriate for your child and say that you’ll exchange it. Do this in an understated way and you’ll avoid any conflict with the gift giver. Discuss the guidelines before the relative buys the gift because things get complicated once it’s in the kid’s hands.

Listen to the questions and concerns expressed by relatives. Offer suggestions. You might tell the relative no video games this year, but a gift certificate at your kid’s favorite bookstore would be appreciated.

Divorced parents should discuss all gifts before the holidays. It’s time to put personal animosity aside and think of the kids. Divide the gifts up and stick to a budget. The non-custodial parent often feels compelled to overspend in an effort to compensate for his absence. This is a mistake and quickly puts the children in the middle of the continuing squabble between the adults. With a little thought, two adults who were once close should be able to avoid it.

“No one wants to give an inappropriate gift,” Waldron says. “Offer to make suggestions in the future. Never let a gift undercut the values in your household.”

Check out our collection of the very best in parent-friendly personal finance, Shopping With a Purpose, for ideas and information on helping your children learn and grow through finance this holiday season and beyond!