Your kids will face peer pressure as surely as they confront algebra, zits and other travails of adolescent life.

Teaching your kids how to resist friends who urge them to spend big bucks on the latest fashion or "must have" gizmo involves long-term strategic confidence building and short-term tactical plans to say "no" and stick with it. Never forget that what you say and do as a parent is key to the success of your children.

"Young children search Mommy and Daddy's eyes for approval," says Dr. John Hoover, a Minyanville professor, member of Partners in Human Resources International and author of 15 books, including The Art of Constructive Confrontation: How to Achieve More Accountability with Less Conflict. "When they see their accepted 'image' reflected back, all is right with the world. However, as all parents know, Mom and Dad get marginalized somewhere in the pre-adolescence 'quiet period' and teenage children emerge with acne and a life-or-death need for the approval of other adolescents."

A self-assured child won't crave the need to be accepted by friends as much as a kid who lacks confidence. Start early by allowing your child to make independent decisions and add responsibilities as maturity allows. This will create a sense of accomplishment and autonomy while limiting the need to pull on a pair of designer jeans in an effort to establish an identity.

Independence will make your child less susceptible to peer pressure because there will be less need to define oneself through the litany of rebellious acts many teens and pre-teens go through, including smoking and drinking.

"Although adolescents are loathe to admit it, parents still matter in the teen years," Hoover says. "Parents can bolster a child's self-esteem, and thereby build up the kid's immunity to peer pressure, with continuous affirmation of their accomplishments – not who they are but the worthwhile things the teen is achieving, even if it's just staying in school."

Think what you can do to build your child's self-esteem. Some parents constantly criticize their children for just about everything, and this is a catastrophic mistake. Such a child wants to be accepted and the praise offered by friends for conforming to the stupidity-of-the-day will be just about irresistible.

Avoid this trap by encouraging your child to pursue independent interests. It doesn't matter what the passions are – reading, models, chess, baseball, pets, sewing, tinkering with bicycles, swimming or dancing – encouragement will build success and success will foster confidence.

Early on, teach your kids about the wise use of money. This can be a good introduction to the adult world and success in handling money will set your children apart from the crowd, especially those who have little or no knowledge of money and spend it foolishly. (See "Kids and Money")

Today's kids have a lot of stuff. It's a mistake to buy the current hot item simply because your child wants it. After two weeks of nagging, pleading, begging and routine statements that life without this wondrous thing is impossible, try this: give your child a financial stake in the item. Say you'll pay half – if your kid comes up with the balance. This will force your child to choose between the latest fashion or gizmo and other activities. Most kids quickly sort out what's important, especially if you've taught them how to handle money.

Building self-confidence lays a solid foundation to resist pressure to join in simply because others are doing it. But self-confidence without knowledge leads nowhere.

Expand the conversation beyond clothes and cell phones to include facts about risky behavior. Talk to your child about smoking, drinking and sexual activity. Make your values known.

Teach your child how to say no – not in theory, but with practical, how-to steps. Try sharing steps like these with your child:
 

• Look directly at the person encouraging risky behavior.
• Speak calmly.
• Remember, if you lose your cool, you lose the argument.
• State clearly and emphatically that you don't want to engage in the dim-witted behavior suggested by friends.
• Tell friends that the choice to avoid the suggested behavior is an independent decision reflecting your values.
• Suggest another activity.
• Remember that "no" must be repeated several times. Don't give an inch.
• If the pressure to join the group continues, just walk away and ignore the catcalls.

With luck, saying no can be a lot simpler and less stressful than a rhetorical shoot-out at the OK Corral. If your kid doesn't want to go to a stupid slasher flick, suggest that your child say, "No thanks – I'm saving my money for something I'd really enjoy."

If your kid is belittled for not having the currently fashionable jeans, shoes or electronic device, urge your child to deflect it with a quip: "I'm saving my money for one of those and by the time I've got enough cash stashed, I'm sure it will be out of style. This will allow me to spend my money on something I really want."

Resisting peer pressure comes with a price, as your child will soon discover. Your kid may be cast into outer darkness by "friends" and this can be difficult for any kid, especially at first.

Ask your child to think about what friendship means. Make it clear that friendship is defined by common interests and goals – not drinking, smoking or other self-destructive behavior and certainly not by clothes or the latest cell phone. Tell your child that rejection is rough, but acceptance based on stupid things or spending money to conform to the current fad isn't friendship.

Remember that kids pattern their behavior on what you do. If they see you fretting about what people say and think, they'll do the same. Tell your kid that you don't care about the pitter-patter of small-minded people because your life is filled with interesting activities.

Then let your kid in on a secret: L.L. Bean is your tailor and you don't need all that fancy stuff from Coach (COH) or Tiffany (TIF). Target (TGT) will do in a pinch and Wal-Mart (WMT) is t-h-e place for cheap socks. When you want to put on the dog, you splurge at Macy’s (M).

This will amuse your child. More than that, your kid will get the message.