It’s important to point out that a family meeting isn’t a legislative body. That’s because a family isn’t a democracy. Although parents should encourage participation and respect the opinion of all family members, they should ultimately make the final decisions – unless they decide that a discussion will be put to a binding vote.
That is, after all, the way the real world works, too. Work isn’t democratic. With luck, you can be part of an organization that encourages employee input, or have a boss who’ll solicit your opinion. But ultimately a business is hierarchical.
Set A Schedule
Family meetings should be held on a set schedule, in a special place that feels at least a little ceremonial. Once a month is a good schedule to aim for, and the dining room is a good location if you have one. The kitchen table is just fine, too. You can make it look a little more official with little notepads and pencils at every seat.
You might also need to consider holding emergency family meetings. If the emergency meeting concerns the family -- for example, someone not doing their chores -- that person has to be present.
Your pre-schoolers should be encouraged to attend family meetings, but you should understand that they will not always be able to focus on the discussion.
By the time children are in school, they should be required to attend and participate.
Keep Records
A family meeting should begin with a written agenda, and all the discussions that take place at the meeting should be recorded in a family journal, which becomes a permanent record for your family. The journal should be kept where everyone can have access to it, perhaps in the family room, kitchen or on the computer.
At each meeting, a Group Leader should preside and a Recording Secretary should take notes. Use your judgment on who in the family is old enough to handle these positions.
Most 8-to 10-year-olds should be able to start taking on these responsibilities. It doesn’t matter how big or small your family is. If you’re a single parent, it’s every bit as important for you to treat family functions with the ceremony they deserve. Topics for family meetings may include major purchases, vacation planning, gifts and which charities to select.
How It Works
On major purchases, you’re not going to take a vote. Whether or not to buy a new car is a discussion where the children can be part of a decision-making process. Children can help answer questions such as: What do you need in a new car? How much room for passengers or cargo do you need? How safe or reliable a car do you want? What extras would you like - GPS, VCR/DVD, leather upholstery? How much can the family afford to spend for extras?
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