Start by defining your expectations. It shouldn’t be difficult to find common ground - even if the husband pursues his muse as a teacher or freelance journalist, while his hard-charging wife heads off to her job as a high-powered lawyer, executive, or research chemist. After all, job satisfaction and the sanity it fosters should be worth something in the interests of domestic tranquility.

Battles over control of the checkbook can be avoided if you meet once a month to discuss the family budget. Your paychecks should be deposited in a joint account so the financial discussion is part of the partnership of marriage - not a squabbling session about “his” money and “hers.”

You can avoid many disagreements if you set up separate “mad money” accounts for each spouse to use for personal interests. Of course, you’ve got to fund them equally and while you don’t have to account for every penny, it’s important for each spouse to tell the other how the money is spent.

This isn’t just a matter of indulging male vanity - although powerlessness is a fate worse than death for most men. If you make major financial decisions as equal partners, you’ll avoid most squabbles about money and the implication that the lower-wage earner is a second-class citizen - both guaranteed to kill your marriage.

Day-to-day management of the joint checking account should be handled by the spouse with the time, interest and aptitude for it. Major decisions should be made jointly, so who pays the bills and keeps the books is just a clerical function.

This just in: men can be complete twits about everything, but if you want your marriage to succeed, this shouldn’t be license for you to repay your man for past transgressions against women. Keep it simple and treat your husband the way you’d want to be treated if he earned more money than you. (Yes, yes – in some cases this requires taking the first steps toward sainthood.)

If your high-paying job demands long hours, your husband will pick up more of the housework. Remember: a man’s idea of clean and orderly may not be the same as yours. This means you’ve got to compromise to keep the marriage intact. For example, the pillows on the couch may not be perfectly arranged, but give your man credit for realizing the stuff is important to you and for making an effort to fluff the silly (to him) frou-frou things up right.

Don’t let disagreements fester. If there’s a problem, talk it out or expect your marriage to fall off a cliff - probably sooner than you’d think.

If you’re smart, money won’t be a struggle for power and control, but only a means to achieve your goals.

Given that about 50% of marriages fail, that scenario’s just a dream for many couples. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to achieve, or that you shouldn’t work toward it. The Web sites of many major banks, including JP Morgan (JPM), Citigroup (C), Wachovia (WB) and Wells Fargo (WFC) offer excellent tips on personal finance.

Hoover offers a less sanguine view.

“The couple works out the income differential the way research indicates every successful couple does – the male capitulates to the female,” he says. “The big question: will the female demand that the male earn more money with a new or second job? If either case, he damn well better come up with more cash, or he’ll eventually have a second wife."