Hello from New York, where today is the adult section of the pool in terms of trading. There’s nothing macho about drowning out of pride, Minyans. If you feel in over your head, either find a lifeguard, or doggie paddle to the side and grab a little sun. For better and worse (depending on the day and the tide), I’m going sans lifejacket, and paddling for opportunities as the market jackknifes lower. Here’s what I’m finding as I try to keep my toes from getting stuck in the drain.
 

• I’m about one more unchallenged piece of euro-abuse, socialist pay restriction, swine-flu panic, and Manhattan fly-by away from announcing my run for the 2012 presidential election. Being a life-long fan of seeking opportunities in the least crowded places, I plan to run as a capitalist.
  
  For instance, when foreign governments issue enormous fines on American companies, I won’t dedicate my daily press conference to a health-care program I don’t have the money to pay for, rather, suggest the Europeans spend their time focusing on whatever industries they have. Like Orangina and soccer. “I’ll raise my kids, you raise yours, Frenchie."
  
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• Speaking of which, I bought the remnants of the eponymous stock of one of America's greatest capitalists (albeit a somewhat loathsome human being) by picking Ford (F) a cool one-third lower than it closed on Monday. Do I expect it to rip higher immediately? Absolutely not. I just like the best of breed, even by default, and have a strong suspicion the products created by the UAW/ DC-owned competition to look like something from a Dr. Seuss book - only less entertaining and priced at $75,000, after subsidies.
  
  
• Speaking of DC, I bought stock in a company that sells a product that captures the summer fragrance of our nation’s capital (not a political statement; the city was built on a fetid swamp as the result of a compromise between Alexander Hamilton and James “Dolly’s Husband” Madison): Agrium (AGU). The fertilizing names have had a good run, but as a general rule, I’m a fan of stocks that manage to stay strong on miserable days.
  
  
  
  
• Advancing our trip down memory lane by 220 years, stocks I’m now gonzo from include Goldman Sachs (GS) and Apple (AAPL). I’m not looking to catch the top or the bottom; I just want the middle. I bought Goldman in March and Apple in January and shared most of the journey along the way. Both stocks had an 8-handle. I’ve trimmed along the way, but today is the first time I’ve gone totally nude on the names in 2009.
  
  Why now? Because a man needs rules to live by. Mine are: Shamelessly adore your wife and kids, and sell stocks that break their Purple Crayon uptrend. Apple and Goldman aren’t my kids, and they broke their uptrend lines. Also, I can sell them without the legal problems you run into when you try to sell your family.
  
  
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• I confess, I actually jumped the gun and sold the Goldman Sachs pre-market; a strategy with roughly the same victory percentage as the Washington General's (the Harlem Globetrotters' perennial opponent). The bank that controls the world probably deserved better, and will likely close over the line just to spite me. But I was frankly at a loss as to what a respectable buy catalyst would be for those considering getting long bank stocks. A close above $132.50 will tell you I was fearful when I should have been greedy.
  
  
• For what it’s worth, the S&P 500 and Target (TGT) are also breaking down as I type. Charts are about the close, but I sold half my position anyway, in a fine example of gun-jumping cowardice or prudence, depending on how it turns out.
  
  
• On the slightly happier side of life, the 2x S&P500 Short (SDS) broke over its trend line (in the $60s area, as I draw it). I trimmed gains there and got long a smattering of its financial stock brother, the SKF, to offset my remaining financial longs. Levered ETFs are financial heroin, likely to end up a horrendous blight on society but rumored to be a heck of a lot of fun (and I’m sure I can handle it). The 2x Financial Inverse ETF graph is drawn below.
  
  
  Click here to enlarge.
  
  The rules of engaging in levered ETFs are:
  
  1. tight stops;
  
  2. the informed fudging of rule number one;
  
  3. They're ever and always trades, not investments;
  
  4. if the ETF in question doesn’t have high volumes and tight spreads on the bid/ask, don’t get involved.